One source of frustration that leads to anxiety and anguish is when one cannot find answers to important questions.

The most frustrating case is when the question itself is flawed — based on a false premise. No answer exists, because the question shouldn't have been asked. The doubt keeps nagging and the suffering continues.

What does one do in such a case? Ask a better question.

If your teacher asks why you missed class yesterday and you say you were in bed with a fever, that is a valid answer to a legitimate question. But another scenario is possible: the teacher asks why you missed class, and the student replies that they were actually in the room — the teacher just didn't see them. In this second case, the student hasn't answered the question. They've dissolved it. The premise was wrong, so the question itself was invalid and needed no answer. Answering a question and dismantling a question are two very different things.

In this week's reading, Va'etchanan, we encounter, among many important topics, the "wise son"1 — one of the four archetypal sons described in the Torah and featured in the Passover Seder: the wise, the wicked,2 the simple,3 and the one who doesn't know how to ask.4 Each one and their specific question appear in the Torah; the Haggadah instructs us how to respond to each according to their question and nature.

A general principle: before answering a question, understand what lies behind it. Respond to the person, not just to the words. Some questions have answers; others do not. A question asked in order to learn deserves a response. A question asked in order to avoid knowing does not.

Sometimes the only valid "answer" to a question is to show that its premises are flawed.

The son who "doesn't know how to ask" does not necessarily refer to someone ignorant of Jewish content. It may refer to someone very knowledgeable and intelligent, curious and inquiring — but who frames his questions in ways that cannot lead to genuine understanding of life, its origin, and its meaning.

Being aware of this is important, both in one's own spiritual searching and in trying to help someone else find answers. The motive behind a question, and its structure, must both be understood before attempting to respond.

To close, here is an answer the Rebbe gave to a young woman deeply distressed by the questions people challenged her with regarding Judaism — questions she couldn't adequately answer:

"There is no need to be troubled by this, since even great scholars who devote their entire lives to Torah study cannot answer every question. Is it surprising that a human being — a created being — cannot fully comprehend the wisdom of G‑d as revealed in His Torah? This should certainly not affect your observance of the mitzvot. If you pay attention, you will notice that most of the people asking these questions are not really searching for truth. They are looking to justify — to themselves as much as to others — their abandonment of the way of life of their parents and ancestors, some of whom gave their lives for Judaism. They have shed the yoke of Torah and mitzvot for the sake of greater physical comfort."

The tool for this week: Our sages say a wise question is half the answer. Before wearing yourself out searching for a response, make sure you are asking the right question.